Wild Kingdom

And in the backyard whence all things are possible…

“Look- look, Mom!  Gordie has a dead bird!  And he’s trying to get into the house!” (This from both kids, screaming and waving arms in excitement.)


“Aw, mom– look!  He’s playing with it.  He’s so proud!”  (This from Zoomboy.)

“Oh!  Mom!  The little bird’s legs were so skinny!” (This from Squish.)

“Like Mordecai from The Regular Show right?”

“Uhm, yeah.”

“Wait– there goes Jonnie!  There goes Gordie!  There lieth the dead bird!”

(Kids) “Aw.  He’s just gonna leave it?”

And that’s it.  Excitement over.  Ded bird iz ded, spazzy cat iz spazzy, and the dog hath defended his yard!

Except I text Chicken about the whole event–her response?

“No! My cat runs from no dog!”

Well, even the most eeeebil feline might have a moment of flight-or-fight when a furry little bullet comes flying for him.

And as for the furry bullet?  Oh yeah- he’s napping in my shirt, because he had a big morning, didn’t he?

*whew*  Wild Kingdom gets exhausting around here!

And as for Steve the Girl Cat?

Well, her big showing this morning was (you guessed it) in the bathroom.  I went to let her out, and Mate was like, “Really?  She wants out?”  See, usually, she’s in the bathroom with me so long she leaves big puncture wounds in whatever nightgown or shirt I was wearing when I went in there.  The other day, Squish just stood at my shoulder and walked her fingers over the tiny little holes, trying to figure out what they were. When I told her, she held her hand to her mouth and gasped, blue eyes big in classic Scottish Kibuki Theatre pose.

Yes.  The cat pokes that many holes in my clothes.  Sometimes she pokes those holes when I’m asleep, and I have (oh SHAME!) forgotten to fill her food bowl before the interminable period of no consciousness whereby she might starve.

But not today.

“There’s so much” *cough* *gasp* “hair floating around in here” *cough* *gasp* “that I can’t breathe!”  *snort* *choke* *expires on potty after petting fluffy cat before summer*

To which Mate said, “Well keep the door shut!  If there’s a whole other cat of hair in there, it doesn’t need to come out!”

Apparently he was not worried about my potential survival.  Well, he’s an optimist.

Anyway, that’s the animal function in our house (and pause here to admire the series of pictures I took of the cat and the dog IGNORING THE HOLY SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER) but I should mention that while I was away, Mate managed to establish ABSOLUTE DOMINANCE over the dog.  Jonnie will be licking my face and bothering me when I’m trying to yarn in front of the television.  All Mate has to do is yell at him once and he goes straight to his (get this!) dog bed, and retreats in wounded silence.

Mate is brilliant.

In fact, Mate is so brilliant, I elected to go watch his team play softball on Tuesday.  Now, he’s been on this team on and off, for around twelve years.  What’s interesting is watching the guys play.  They’re not the youngest, or the the most athletically brilliant, but what they are is practiced.  I told Mate that the term that came to mind was the “ease of long familiarity”.  They were competent and they knew where to throw the ball when.  (Which is something I never mastered.)  They enjoyed to play, because they knew these things– being competent and working smoothly made it fun.  It gave them chances to be brilliant, and that’s one of the things they don’t tell you about growing older.

It does give one hope.


And the picture of Zoomboy, with the hat and the Lego-built-flashy-thing?

Remember all those old movies they played on Monday?

One of them was Men in Black.

And oH!  I admit it–I’ve gone back to my old hooking ways.  For this one project, at least.  Seriously– this is a shawl I’m crocheting out of Noro sock yarn.  It’s going to be stout and practically windproof, and, well, rainbow striped.  I’m trying to decide if I should give it away or keep it, but right now, I just sort of love it, and we’ll leave it at that.

And that’s the end!  Oh– two bits of book business to insert here.

One– don’t forget that on Monday I do *kermit flail* Monday! where I post new releases from friends who e-mail me with new releases to post!  But if you’ve got a new release, hit me up with the blurb, the buy link, and the cover art, and I’ll put it out there.  I’ve got a couple already for Monday, which is great because last Monday I didn’t have ANY.


I’m pimping the radio interview Kim Fielding and I are doing on Capitol Public Radio Monday, June 9th.  We’ll be on Insight with Beth Ruyak, at 9 a.m., and the station streams online, and also is saved in cache in case you miss it.  I have to confess, my biggest fear is forgetting that this is not a podcast (wherein anything goes) and just blurting out the F-bomb.  I’ve spent the last two weeks practicing saying “Holy flipping WOW!” whenever necessary.  I, uhm, need more practice.

And to that end, I bid you adieu!  And should the cats catch anymore birds, well then, Holy flipping WOW!

0 thoughts on “Wild Kingdom”

  1. Unknown says:

    Just thinking about it….the moment you conceive some magic door from an alternate reality should pop open and the soon to be mother should be handed a copy of "Motherhood – the unexpected trauma" wherein everything is detailed: toilet monsters, under-the-bed monsters, spazz cats, aliens that look like dogs, and creatures you will find growing in your fridge. It would make things so much easier if we had an inkling of the bizarre journey we're about to take! 🙂

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