Would you believe…

I got home on Friday and my mom called up and wanted to take the kids today? All day? They get to spend the night? DUDES!!! Did you know I’ve got a HUSBAND? News to me, too–but he has all these nifty ideas about what to do with our time…I may take him up on them.

So, I’ve been on the computer for two days–I showed movies and entered grades and graded stuff and, you know, did my job. Grading papers is so depressing. I’ve either got to start teaching these guys better or quit. I tend to focus on literature, you know? But seriously, their writing is so damned bad–and then I feel bad. I feel like if I’d taken more of a writing focus, they wouldn’t sound illiterate. And then I realize that I teach 11th and 12th graders–their poor teachers have been trying to teach them this shit for YEARS…it’s not just me, I do suck, but I’m not the optimum prime queen bitch manipulator behind their collective suckage, and dammit, next year I’ve got a PLAN!!! (I do this at the end of every year–I always have a plan for how to serve them better. Somewhere in the middle of the year–usually about the time I realize that I may not love them as much as I thought I did, and that my own children are far more charming– it disintegrates like a letter in a bathtub, but there’s still a PLAN.)

I got my hair cut–several of them in fact! (yuk yuk yuk–it’s my dad’s favorite joke!) and I like it. Usually it’s a rabid squirrel, but at the moment, the rabid squirrel has taken several valium and a snooze on my head, and I don’t hate him quite so much. If I could lose a whole lot of weight, I might be able do deal with myself in the mirror, yes?

We went and saw Iron Man today–I LOVED IT. Totally. Completely. I’m gonna buy it in dvd form and lick the television set when the kids are all asleep (because we wouldn’t want them to grow up disturbed or anything!). And may I just say, that Robert Downey Jr. is supreme proof that life isn’t fucking fair? If I had done as many drugs as this guy did, I’d be a toothless hag with more wrinkles than brain cells and sentient foot-fungus. Downey Jr.? He’s a frickin’ GOD, in a ripped T-shirt with a glowing blue medallion. I mean, here I am, barely pinging ‘unrepulsive’ on the appearance scale, and my only real vice is too much chocolate and an abhorrence of cooking. This guy does everything that’s evil, adds a little Grecian formula to his hair, and hey, did I mention, he’s a fucking god? *sigh* Yeah. And now that he’s cleaned up his act and become a good father and everything, I can’t even hold it against him. I mean, I bet his kids don’t have to excavate the living room to find the damned remote control, do they?

And following an absolutely hilarious discussion on the amazon.com forum regarding ‘mutilated male junk’ (i.e., circumcision and the three-thousand year old vampire:-) I came upon an entry on this blog–you’ll have to scroll down, it’s the one about retail therapy with the disclaimer about how this entry will make you buy a kitten instead of becoming a mother. Seriously, people? I almost spit soda all over my keyboard. Then I went into the staff room and threw that baby at the wussies who objected to the silver anus/purple prose awards and when the king of the staff room stood up and said, “Goddammit, Lane, you had to go and fucking do that when the bell rang?” I LAUGHED MY FUCKING ASS OFF. *sigh* It’s the end of the year, and I think I found my balls, thank you very much. Oh, babies, didja miss me?