First of all, our Saturday was as carefully orchestrated as a Bolshoi Ballet–pick up kid’s friend, take Mate to first soccer game, pick up Big T, pick Mate up, take Mate and Squish to second soccer game, watch this one, take everybody to store to pick up cake and snacks, take everybody to pizza place to pick up pizza, take everybody to slot car race to celebrate ZB’s bd, drop kid’s friend off, come home so mom can write.
We ran into some glitches, but the basic takeaway was this–
A. SQUISHY SCORED A GOAL!!!
C. Make sure the kangaroo pocket of your hoodie isn’t ripped if you put your cell phone in it.
D. If it is ripped, and you’re jump-starting your daughter’s car (as Mate did), don’t tilt your body over a storm drain.
E. The following conversation really happened:
Mate: Shit! My phone went down the drain!
Me: Like the ‘OMG I lost all battery!’ drain?
Daughter Chicken: No–like the PENNYWISE LIVES THERE drain!
Me: Oh. Well. Damn.
F. Should you EVER have that conversation, research your options first.
G. When returning to the storm drain after researching your options (and dropping off kid’s friend), have two plans.
H. Make sure one of them includes a 12 foot ladder and someone who can fit in the drain and isn’t afraid of small spaces.
I. A headlamp helps.
J. If you’re trying to film your husband doing this, don’t give the camera to your son because odds are good he’ll do an in depth study of your ass that goes on forever, both in the realms of time and space.
K. Make sure you celebrate your husband’s ingenuity when he gets his phone back–that’s important.
L. Suggest an extra dessert after this, because it’s been a long assed day.
M. Be ready to write anyway, because, dammit, deadline.
N. If you can, fold the laundry next to your bed or you might have the following experience:
I wake up in the middle of the night and ZB is lay ing on the unfolded laundry, his body angled down so all I can see his his disembodied
head, levitating above the level of my mattress.
Me: *gropes ZB’s face* What the HELL????
ZB: I had a bad dream.
Me: I HAD A BAD WAKE! OMG! Are you all attached?
Me: Then fine, get in bed.
O. If your kid is almost adult sized, you WILL kick him out after five minutes because the last thing your bed needs is another body–even one with the head attached.
P. After a day like that, a little nappy-poo on Sunday is pretty much a requirement.
Q. I took that nap. It was DELICIOUS.
R. And 2000K to go before I sleep.