This Entire Conversation Happened in My Head While Running Late on the Way to Work…

I’m sorry, Mr. Prickweenie sir, I was late today…

Yes, yes, I know school starts at 7:45–but I’ve got 1st period prep and four kids–didja really expect me to be here AT 7:45? Or 8:00? or 8:15? Okay…8:30 IS reasonable, yes sir, I see that now…but that’s not my point…

My point is, that you guys changed up the schedule on me for testing…I mean really, is that fair? Okay…forget I asked, I guess it is fair to expect me here when everybody else is, and I actually managed (with food for my testing students!!!) last week, right? I mean–you can’t say I’m not working on it…but, well, yeah…this morning was something of a mess.

No, no, my alarm clock went off at the right time–too freakin’ early, that apparently IS the right time, but my middle-schoolers had an orthodontic appointment for their outrageously priced straight teeth. No, I didn’t actually have to TAKE them to the appointment–they were just, you know, THERE…everywhere I tried to walk, get something, or pee, there was a middle-schooler with some obnoxious form of paperwork that I needed to sign. No. Apparently they couldn’t do that last night. Yes. It had to be done at 6:15 in the morning as I tried to get clothes together for three out of six family members without waking the two that would raid the catbox for kitty roca if I wasn’t watching them! So you see? That part? Not my fault?

And then the baby woke up…*giggle giggle* Christ she’s cute. Well, now, that’s not really RELEVANT, but I did have to cuddle her, and make her laugh, and blow raspberries on those damned fat little feet…*ahem* sorry, sir. I’ll try to stick to the point. And then the Cave Troll woke up–what? No, he’s not really a Cave Troll. He’s just the three-year old… he’s sort of a personality though…yes. I see. You don’t really need to know that. Anyway, he dragged his giant Scooby Doo into bed with us last night and he needed to explain that Scooby Doo kept us safe from the monsters–that’s serious conversation Mr. Prickweenie!!!! Don’t you see that I HAD to listen?

Oh…yeah…there was turkeys and road construction too…Turkeys. Yes. They all sort of herd around the car sometimes. No. Seriously–we’ve got a sign for them and all. No I don’t get high! With this job I WISH I did, but seriously–aren’t I weird enough already?

Anyway, you can check out the road construction–it just started today. No. I didn’t know about it. Well, if I’d known about it I couldn’t possibly have woken up any freakin’ earlier anyway, so I don’t know why the road construction should stress you out.

Oh…the X-Large soda from MacDonalds? That’s really just a kindness to my students. No, that’s not a joke. Do you see these eye-circles? Do you think it’s a joke?

*sigh* Okay, Mr. Prickweenie. I’ll be on time for the rest of the week. And then, you know, I’ve got 1st period off again, so I just sort of figured I could…nevermind. Sure. Absolutely. I’ll be in my room during my prep every time you check.

Because I don’t need that time for anything else, you know.

Amy Lane

0 thoughts on “This Entire Conversation Happened in My Head While Running Late on the Way to Work…”

  1. Rae says:

    Wait, why are you apologizing? Who in their right mind starts any formal assembly at 7:45am? And of teenagers, no less. Cripes – I can barely make it to work by 9 AM much less be at my desk working by 7:45. What the fuck is up with that? Did these people skip childhood and puberty? Puh-leez. DON’T give me THEIR drugs because obviously they SUCK.

  2. Bells says:

    That you get out the door before midday is a freaking miracle. He should be grateful.

    Cave Troll sounds adorable. I’ve always thought that.

    ps the blue is much better. My eyes nearly went nuts and my brain nearly exploded.

  3. roxie says:

    If the prickweenie had the wits that God gave a gopher, he would send a chauffered limo to pick you up in the morning if he wants you to arrive on the dot. Has he ever taken care of children?

    Get photos of those turkeys, please.

  4. It’s almost summer time, then you won’t have to worry about him for another three months.

  5. NeedleTart says:

    The Husband has been working in a near-by school district that requires subs (subs!!) to be at the school by 7:15. Interesting trick when thay call at 6:45 and it’s a 20 minute drive. Question: should he show up late or naked? And he has only himself to care for in the AM.

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